Workin' It Out

Melting Away & Finding Myself

Reflections

A few days ago, I had a follower ask some questions about my goals.  I hadn’t answered until now because they were good questions that made me think and I wanted to give them the attention and reflection they deserved.  She wrote:

What a project ! All the things you have to DO…
I just want to ask you:
1) What do you really want? (not the 52 pounds but what feeling are you after?)
2) What is your purpose? (Why do you really want it?)

I had a really hard time answering the first question, because what I really want right now is to lose the weight… 52 lbs., 102 lbs…. I want a major change! But even in the last few days as I have had people comment on posts on the blog and Facebook and talk to me at work, I have begun to realize I am already making a difference in people’s lives. More people are exercising, counting calories, watching portions, making healthy choices, and signing up for 5ks! Which in turn is inspirational to me, too! So if I have made a difference for one friend or stranger, this adventure is all worth it.  I don’t promise any amazing insights that nobody has ever made before on the subject of weight loss, just to help and inspire others.  We can all support each other on our goals!  So maybe that is not what I set out to do, but the feeling I am after now is that of inspiring and motivating others.

Another feeling I am after is an improvement in self confidence. Those of you that work with me probably do not realize that I can have some pretty low times. I am really good at keeping a smile on my face. I will go into more details later, but as the title of my blog suggests, I will be finding out more about myself as I lose weight and work out my issues.

And to answer question number 2, let me give you a little background about my dad (hope you don’t mind, dad!). In May 2009, when I was pregnant with my son, my dad’s fiance called to say that my dad had had a stroke.  Fortunately it was not a severe stroke and he was out of the hospital in a pretty short amount of time.  Today you would never know it, but… he had a stroke before age 70. Not that there is ever a “good” age for a stroke, but to me, he was too young. Fortunately, this minor stroke led to a series of visits with specialists including a cardiologist.  He had some tests and while I don’t remember the specific order of events, the end result was a quadruple bypass in July 2009.  It was so scary to see my dad through the recovery and set backs (an additional surgery and a staph infection). My dad has now made a big lifestyle change and lost a lot of weight (which he must have been hiding somewhere because he never looked that overweight to me). He is much healthier.

After all he went through, I knew I needed to take better care of myself or I would be having the same surgery when I was older. But like I said, I was pregnant, not exactly the time to start a huge lifestyle change.  So I told myself I would make changes once the baby was here.  Well as they say, “having a baby changes everything” and my son has turned my world upside down – good & bad!  My time was not the same and I was struggling finding time to shower let alone exercise that first year. I lost a few pounds just from not having time to eat, but when I did eat it wasn’t necessarily healthy. Things are easier now and I am able to make more time for me.  So why I really want it is easy: I need to be healthy to live a long life for my family. I want to be a good role model for my son.  I want to be able to run and play chase with him in the backyard, to go on hunts for bugs, to play soccer with him, go to the park and show him how to do monkey bars, fit in rides at the amusement park (by the way, I hate roller coasters, so that part will be his daddy’s job!), and a thousand other things boys love to do!!  If I can continue to achieve my goals and find strength through the support of others, I know I will be around for a long time to see my children and grandchildren grow. Thanks to all of you who are joining and supporting me in this change!!!

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